Jokebox
A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to GOD, U.S.A., they decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5.00. Mr. President thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to the little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to GOD that read: "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those devils deducted $95.00.
Great Truths from Small Children
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
It's hard to unlearn a bad word.
Ask Why until you understand.
It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.
A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.
It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher.
Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.
Twelve is a lot older than eight.
Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.
Some nights it's not worth fighting over who gets the top bunk.
Don't expect your friends to be as excited about your "100" as you are.
Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" unless you're absolutely sure there's a slow kid behind you.
If you don't like the birthday girl, don't go to the party.
Crawling still gets you there.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.
You can't start over just because you're losing the game When you're dressed up like a princess, it's easier to act like one.
If a tree had apples last year, don't expect pears this year.
One drop of black paint from the brush clouds the whole cup of water.
You can't be everyone's best friend.
A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.
All libraries smell the same.
Say grace.
If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.
Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
Silence can be an answer.
Ask where things come from.
If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it back.
Don't nod on the phone.
It seems a cowboy from Colorado skipped church one Sunday to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The cowboy stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the cowboy crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs. As the bear closed in, the cowboy cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! Lord, please make that bear a Christian." Suddenly, the clouds parted and a beam of light shown down on the bear. The bear skidded to a halt at the cowboy's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive."
At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."
There was a Christian lady who had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.
After a while he turned to her and asked "You don't really believe all that stuff in there, do you?"
The lady replied "Of course I do! It’s the Bible!”
He said "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by a whale?"
She replied "Oh, Jonah. Yes I believe that, it’s in the Bible."
He asked "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The lady said "I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven I’ll ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.
My Favorite Quotes!
Oh my goodness! What a close call!
I was walking in the woods one morning, minding my own business, when suddenly a huge animal walked out in front of me on the path! It had to have been about five feet long! I was a little curious at first, wondering what in the world this huge creature was, when all of a sudden, it looked at me right in the eyes and started making this horrible shrieking sound. I was so scared, I turned and ran for my life!
These creatures should really be controlled better. They don’t have any predators, either, which really makes me nervous. They're just showing up in my backyard, and I've heard of them killing us before. I'm afraid for my own life and the lives of my children.
My friends said they'd seen them before. They're called humans. What in the world is going on around here?!
-- a wolf
"Must we exert dominion so far that we forget the meaning of Mercy? For when the bad Kings dominate the land, those who he has dominion over beg for Mercy, and yet he does not hear their calls. That, to us, is a bad King. Are we like the bad Kings? Are our hearts so full of vanity that we cannot hear the cries for Mercy that echo from the mouths of the animals?”
“The Wolves…they are not the real pests, as so many have been led to believe. The real pests are the Humans…who have stolen the wolves’ homeland and then told them that they aren’t willing to share and, on top of that, expecting them to understand.”
"What but the wolf's tooth, whittled so fine, the fleet limbs of the antelope?" – poem
“I’ll kill you.” -- Heero
“They all (animals) wait for You to give them their food in due season. You give to them, they gather it up; you open Your hand, they are satisfied with good. You hide Your face, they are dismayed; you take away their spirit, they expire and return to their dust. You send forth Your Spirit, they are created; and You renew the face of the ground.” -- Psalm 104: 27-30
"Oro?" - Kenshin
"For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same spirit and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity.
All go to the same place. All came from the dust and all return to the dust.
Who knows that the spirit of man ascends upward and the spirit of the beast descends downward to the earth?" -- Ecclesiastes 3:19-21
"But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the LORD hath wrought this? In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind." -- Job 12:7-10
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